What is the Difference Between Power and Control?

If you have ever taken part in a online discussion, you have seen “the question” in some form or fashion. It crops up into discussions and the answers can range from variations on interpretation to downright frightening.

Who Has Power in a BDSM Dynamic?

When you think of Power Exchange and their dynamics, your first thought might be “well, the Dominant, duh.” It’s easy to come to that conclusion. In a Dominant/submissive relationship, the Dominant is the one on the receiving end of the Power Exchange, getting and wielding power over the submissive.

The truth is a bit different. Spoilers … the submissive has the power.  Continue reading


Holle’s Thought for the Day

The only way anyone is less of a sub is if you’re a 6-inch from Subway. That is less of a sub than a foot-long.

Otherwise, you just have a preference for what you do and do not like – just like whatever Dominant or fellow submissive who is trying to bring you down because you don’t like their “kink.”

Why Submission Is Not About Nature

One topic that has been coming up in groups for a while is the idea of the “natural submissive.”

You know these submissives well. They appear in groups, some of them being long-time lifestylers, some of them being very new and inexperienced. All of them say the same things:

  • My submission is a natural thing.
  • I have always been this way.
  • Being submissive is who I am.
  • Submission is in my blood and my soul. Continue reading