I’m coming back to a theme I’ve visited before.

A few times.


Because it’s an important theme.

When it come to fantasies, especially fantasies that women have, the ravishment fantasy is a big one. It gets other names, but I prefer not to use them. I think that those names do more harm than good when discussing the fantasy, creating not only blurry lines, but misunderstanding of what the fantasy actually is. When we misunderstand the fantasy, then as writers, we do not do it justice. We create stories that are not just problematic. They are irresponsible and disrespectful.

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Holle is Feeling “Triggered” This Morning

I’ve written about this before.

I have also seen first hand that people still do not understand this very simple concept.

If a person is inebriated, their ability to offer consent is hindered. If you describe someone as “stone drunk” or any variation that shows their cognitive abilities are impaired, then they most definitely cannot consent.

Consent requires the ability to understand what is taking place. It requires the ability to consider the consequences of the action and decide if those consequences are desirable or not. It requires the ability to measure one’s own desire, to see if one actually wants to do the act, or if one is being coerced, guilted, pressured, or otherwise acted upon in a way to bend one’s will.

Consent requires that a person be an active and alert participant to the activity. If cognitive function is impaired, then the person is not an active participant.

We have a word for doing sexual activities with people who do not consent to those activities. It is not a kind word, but it is a real word. It is a reality for women every day on college campuses (high school campuses as well). It is also a reality for them in the work place and sometimes even in their own homes. It is a reality with strangers and with people they know and thought they could trust.

To have someone come to me and ask me to write about this for them – that is beyond the pale. It is most especially beyond the pale when I explicitly state that I do not deal with non-consensual activities in my erotica. Consent and agency are very, very important things to me. I have very deep and personal reasons that they are important.

As erotica authors, I think it is vital that we understand what consent means. The ravishment fantasy is a popular fantasy in erotica and it is a very common fantasy among women and sometimes even among men (as the ravaged). As erotica authors we have to understand how to present this fantasy in works so that people can experience the fantasy without falling into the societal conventions that scar men and women every day.