Conversations with Klaus: The Friend Zone

When we picked up the conversation last time with Klaus, we talked about him and what made him successful with women: his confidence. He understood who he was, he knew what he wanted in women, and he projected both of these things. As he and I talked about approaching women, we talked about how he was sometimes just friends with women. That ability to befriend women is part of what made him so successful when he approached a woman he wanted to date or sleep with, so I wanted to dig deeper into that.

What is the Friend Zone?

So for a very long time, we have had this term we use called the “friend zone.” Men get a bad rap for using it, but to be perfectly honest with you, women use it as well. In fact, the idea of the friend zone was why I did not recognize Klaus’ advances at first. It was not so much that I had placed him in the friend zone. It was that I figured I would be there, that our mutual friends would have warned him away from me.

So okay, this idea of the friend zone is complicated because it can mean different things to different people. It can also mean different things in different contexts. I had crushes when I was younger, whom I was friends with, who only saw me as a friend. Yes, I considered myself in their “Friend Zone.” I had male friends that I used to consider in the “Friend Zone” not because I did not think them worthy of my lustful affections, but because they were friends.

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Conversations with Klaus: Setting the Stage (Confidence)



This is the beginning of a new series on On the Scene: Conversations with Klaus. I will be transcribing taped conversations he and I have about life before we married, when we were friends and he was way under my dating radar (that is a different conversation). This is – practical dating advice from someone who did it successfully despite some … well, read on while I set the stage.

The Stage

Before we begin, I want to set the stage a little bit. I met Klaus several years ago through a shared hobby. My image of him then (and sometimes still now) is this young man, 20, with thick long hair, most of the way down his back, that is sometimes pulled back into a ponytail and sometimes just left flowing. He usually has at least some stubble going on and big, dark eyes. He wears a sleeveless t-shirt that he still owns (Klaus: Oh, the white and blue one yeah!) and blue jeans. Around his waist, he’s tied a black and white checkered flannel (that we had to finally toss a few years ago because it ripped beyond the ability to wear). He wore boots because they tended to last longer.

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