Should We Teach with Erotica?

As I am preparing to put outline to story today, a thought occurred to me.

Can erotica guide and teach others?

We fool ourselves if we think that at least some readers do not try to emulate what they read in erotica. We already know of a tragic case where a young man hurt his friend because he wanted to experience (without proper consent unfortunately) his own Fifty Shades of Grey fantasy. While yes, I like to harp on how Fifty Shades romanticizes what is actually an abusive relationship, how consent is questionable (especially if you consider what Christian would reasonably know in a scene), and how it not only misrepresents but actually disrespects BDSM, if someone is either irresponsible enough to harm someone or wants to harm someone using your story as a “guide” or “inspiration” they will do so, no matter how responsibly you write your story.

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One of the Things I Really Hate

One of the staples of romance is the idea that the romance between the two characters makes each a better person. He overcomes something through her love and support. She overcomes something through his love and strength.

I don’t hate that. It has its problems, sure, but fine. Whatever. We’re social creatures and we like to have our romance blend with the positive aspects of being social creatures. I’ll buy it for a buck, or $0.99 on Amazon, and be done with it.

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Holle is Feeling “Triggered” This Morning

I’ve written about this before.

I have also seen first hand that people still do not understand this very simple concept.

If a person is inebriated, their ability to offer consent is hindered. If you describe someone as “stone drunk” or any variation that shows their cognitive abilities are impaired, then they most definitely cannot consent.

Consent requires the ability to understand what is taking place. It requires the ability to consider the consequences of the action and decide if those consequences are desirable or not. It requires the ability to measure one’s own desire, to see if one actually wants to do the act, or if one is being coerced, guilted, pressured, or otherwise acted upon in a way to bend one’s will.

Consent requires that a person be an active and alert participant to the activity. If cognitive function is impaired, then the person is not an active participant.

We have a word for doing sexual activities with people who do not consent to those activities. It is not a kind word, but it is a real word. It is a reality for women every day on college campuses (high school campuses as well). It is also a reality for them in the work place and sometimes even in their own homes. It is a reality with strangers and with people they know and thought they could trust.

To have someone come to me and ask me to write about this for them – that is beyond the pale. It is most especially beyond the pale when I explicitly state that I do not deal with non-consensual activities in my erotica. Consent and agency are very, very important things to me. I have very deep and personal reasons that they are important.

As erotica authors, I think it is vital that we understand what consent means. The ravishment fantasy is a popular fantasy in erotica and it is a very common fantasy among women and sometimes even among men (as the ravaged). As erotica authors we have to understand how to present this fantasy in works so that people can experience the fantasy without falling into the societal conventions that scar men and women every day.


The Difference Between Fantasy and Fiction

I love writing erotic fiction. I sometimes enjoy reading it.


I do not like erotic fiction that blurs lines of consent or is disrespectful – to women, to men, to the community it is writing about, etc. Sometimes when I voice this, people will say “but it is only fantasy.”

And this is wrong.

There is a difference between fantasy and fiction, and I am going to explain that.

I think it is something that many erotica authors either miss or ignore, and our genre and its sub-genres hurt for it. Erotica can be erotic and it can still be respectful. It can sexualize respect and consent and be an incredibly erotic story. You just have to understand what a fantasy is, what drives that fantasy, and how to turn it into erotica. Continue reading

Respect in BDSM Erotica

If you head over to StreetWraith Press After Dark (I linked around the 18+ warning because if you are going there from here, you should already be 18+ … you’re welcome) you will see a review with a similar title as this article. My first review of another author’s erotica. I hope that you find it enjoyable and that it stimulates your mind enough to want to buy the story. It’s a good one. Emily Ryan-Davis came highly recommended to me, and I recommend her as well.

What gripped me about Claiming Lauren and has me reading the rest of the eXclave series is the respect she pays to the Lifestyle and, most importantly, the safety and protocols that are so important in it. I wanted to expand on that idea a little more than I did in the review. The review was about Emily’s book, after all. Here, I can get on my soap box and talk a little more about Holle.

So let’s do so. Continue reading

Thoughts on Erotica

So some time ago, I had a commission piece requested that was … difficult. It was not difficult to write. I have been very fortunate that all of my clients, without exception, have been respectful of my limits as an author, even one of BDSM erotica.

I found the piece enjoyable to explore and write, but when it was finished, I realized that it was far darker than my normal stories. I’m not afraid of dark undertones, or dark themes, however the story lacks – light. I found that what worked as a commission piece – rather well, my client loved it – did not yet work for publication. To sit along side my other stories, it was missing something.

I’ve been battling with the story ever since then. I like it and I want to publish it, but how? What would I be able to do with the story that would keep it both true to its original fantasy and still something that made sense along my other stories.

As I was working on formatting the work I am publishing today, it hit me. Continue reading

Writing My Submissive Side?

As I have been writing various stories, I have noticed something.

My own inclinations, as I have discussed before, are more toward Dominant and I am currently learning to express that more, etc. In my  writing, however, my main characters are almost always submissive. In my most recent Commission piece, the two POV characters are both Dominants, but one of them enters into submission to the other as the result of a bet.

That is, however, the exception.

I don’t mind this. I don’t think it calls into question my own lifestyle role any more than writing straight/gay characters call into question my sexuality. I do find it interesting enough to write about, however, and I do wonder how many other BDSM erotica authors also write from primarily the submissive’s point of view. Continue reading

Do You Have a Fantasy?

One of the things that I do is write erotica.

Mostly I write BDSM erotica. I have made exceptions, when they are requested on Commission. I have a Gig® that I offer through Fiverr® . This is a site where people offer up a service they are willing to do for $5. I will create a story with you (as a pseudonym per Fiverr’s TOS) as a character. If you have a fantasy, something that you think you would enjoy seeing put to the test of storytelling, stop by and make a request. I’m open to most types of stories. I have a few hard limits. They are in the Gig® description. Within them is a wide world of kink, perversion, and sex.

I do publish these stories later as well. I publish them under the collection name “On the Fives”. Get it? Because it is through Fiverr® .

You do realize I have a leather flogger right here, right?

You’re laughing at my cleverness now. Good.

So I publish them under the collection title “On the Fives” as individual short stories. Some of the tales I have tackled include:

  • a businessman exploring his feminine side – cross-dressing as a woman for a week, with romantic complications of course.
  • Two tales of a young man dealing with an aggressive woman trying to either steal him away from his girl, or dominate them both.
  • a couples vacation at a cabin that test the intimacies of friendships
  • a bet between two Dominants that results in one getting a deeper exploration of submission

Those are the released stories. You can find them on Smashwords, Amazon, or StreetWraith Press.

So if you want to see someone else’s fantasy, check them out. If you’re feeling a little bit like an exhibitionist, visit the Gig® on Fiverr®. It will be a pleasure to turn your fantasy into a story.


I am publishing my first non-Heather in Haven story today. It was a commissioned piece – names changed to protect the innocent. A little bit of shameless plugging, time … if you want me to write something for you (just note that if I really like the story, I will republish it) then pop over to my writing blog Holle Dolce to see how that is done.

So, the story is Façade and if the title is not enough of a clue-in, it is about a man who puts on, well a mask. In this case, the mask is semi-figurative. He is a cross-dresser – or transvestite if you prefer, the names mean the same thing … mostly. Mostly enough, anyway. Some finer nuances get attached to one word over the other. I’m not really here to discuss the differences, as in my experience the use of the terms has been interchangeable and a matter of preference.

Franklin is a heterosexual cross-dresser who decides to spend a week of his vacation immersed in his alter ego – Tasha Freeman. Over the course of the week, he hopes to experience life as a woman, though Tasha. When he meets a charming you man named Jason, however, things become complicated. How can Tasha have these feelings and desires for Jason when Franklin does not like men? Continue reading

The Sexy Bad Boy

Here is the article I’m going to be talking about.

Did you know they are making a 50 Shades movie?

Probably, because everyone is talking about it. And as someone who could not get through the first chapter of the book, I’m going to say, that is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s not a bad thing because with the chatter about the books, people are also talking about the activities in the book – specifically BDSM. And with that talk, they are turning to experts.

No, not psychiatrists and health experts. Continue reading