What is the Difference Between Power and Control?

If you have ever taken part in a online discussion, you have seen “the question” in some form or fashion. It crops up into discussions and the answers can range from variations on interpretation to downright frightening.

Who Has Power in a BDSM Dynamic?

When you think of Power Exchange and their dynamics, your first thought might be “well, the Dominant, duh.” It’s easy to come to that conclusion. In a Dominant/submissive relationship, the Dominant is the one on the receiving end of the Power Exchange, getting and wielding power over the submissive.

The truth is a bit different. Spoilers … the submissive has the power.  Continue reading


Holle Is Going to Talk about Her Fantasy Now

I’ve talked about this before, a few times. Others far more experienced in the lifestyle have talked about this as well.

And yet I still see people open their mouths and spew some of the stupidest, inane crap that I have ever read in my life.

Continue reading

Discipline – It’s What You Do

So, I talked a little bit before about Discipline and how I would handle, in one respect at least, punishments.

I wanted to return to this topic because it is an important aspect of BDSM – it’s even part of the acronym. I certainly did not want to go very long without sharing some of my thoughts on Discipline, since my last discussion had focused on punishment so much.

In BDSM, what is Discipline?

Simply put, it is training. When we talk about training a submissive or training a slave, we are talking about Discipline. It encompasses all the rules that you set in place, the different protocols of your dynamic, and then what you use, positive and negative, to reinforce those protocols.

When I have a submissive, I plan to have a very simple protocol to begin a session.

  • When she arrives, I will ask her if she has anything she needs to discuss before we begin.
  • If she does not, or once any discussions are complete, I will ask her if she submits to me.
  • If she says yes, then she will kneel in a submissive posture. If she has a collar, I will place her collar on her. When I am ready for her to stand, I will bid her to do so, and we will go on to whatever activities will be taking place that day.

And I know right now that I just made someone blink their eyes in confusion, because I said something that may seem a little odd about collaring. I will get back to it in a moment. Continue reading

You Bad, Bad Girl

I wanted to get back to my thoughts about Submission and Respect.

I’ve been thinking about the Discipline aspect of BDSM a lot lately, and punishment in particular.

This might be something I come back to more, but I wanted to get down a few thoughts.

So, what is Discipline?

Outside of a dictionary definition, it is what I think of as the formal aspects of BDSM and D/s dynamics. So making rules and enforcing them, behavioral training, defining etiquette and enforcing it, etc. And I know that is very simplistic, but again, this is something I plan to come back to. Continue reading