Conversations with Klaus: Setting the Stage (Confidence)



This is the beginning of a new series on On the Scene: Conversations with Klaus. I will be transcribing taped conversations he and I have about life before we married, when we were friends and he was way under my dating radar (that is a different conversation). This is – practical dating advice from someone who did it successfully despite some … well, read on while I set the stage.

The Stage

Before we begin, I want to set the stage a little bit. I met Klaus several years ago through a shared hobby. My image of him then (and sometimes still now) is this young man, 20, with thick long hair, most of the way down his back, that is sometimes pulled back into a ponytail and sometimes just left flowing. He usually has at least some stubble going on and big, dark eyes. He wears a sleeveless t-shirt that he still owns (Klaus: Oh, the white and blue one yeah!) and blue jeans. Around his waist, he’s tied a black and white checkered flannel (that we had to finally toss a few years ago because it ripped beyond the ability to wear). He wore boots because they tended to last longer.

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I have been a bad girl and have not been updating the blog as often as I should. I’ve been busy with freelance work, though. Which is a good thing.

I’m trying to decide what I want to talk about next. I think one of the problems is that in freelance writing I talk about so much stuff. I mean a lot of stuff. After a while, you forget what the last article or the last story you wrote was about. Your mind just moves through the project and onto the next one. You do your best in the moment, of course, to provide a good article or an artistic story.

I like to think I do a fair job. 🙂

It keeps me busy, though.

So you get this rambling while I decide what I want to tackle on the blog next. I wax philosophical a lot. I think I want to try something practical next. So … if anyone is reading this let me know in the comments what kind of practical stuff around BDSM, sex, and erotica you want me to talk about.

What is the Difference Between Power and Control?

If you have ever taken part in a online discussion, you have seen “the question” in some form or fashion. It crops up into discussions and the answers can range from variations on interpretation to downright frightening.

Who Has Power in a BDSM Dynamic?

When you think of Power Exchange and their dynamics, your first thought might be “well, the Dominant, duh.” It’s easy to come to that conclusion. In a Dominant/submissive relationship, the Dominant is the one on the receiving end of the Power Exchange, getting and wielding power over the submissive.

The truth is a bit different. Spoilers … the submissive has the power.  Continue reading


Right now – I have a heavy and troubled heart. Early Sunday morning, something terrible happened at Pulse in Orlando. A gunman opened fire and murdered innocent people. There are not enough words to express the sorrow or how my heart goes out to those who lost a loved one or a friend.

In the coming days, we will hear a lot of talking from the usual places. It is best that we keep a few things in mind, especially if we are going to share news or memes.

  1. People lost someone they love. Respect that and respect their sorrow.
  2. Do not use this as your political tool. If you truly want to help and if you truly believe that something you believe can help prevent these tragedies or minimize them at least, then write your Congressman, reach out to lobbyists, and offer your opinion on surveys that think-tanks send out. If you share those ideas, remember number one. People are hurting right now, and you might know some of them.
  3. Do not become blind to what happened. We are still learning the full extent of this terrible event. The most important things to remember, however, is that a man made a choice and hate informed that choice.
  4. Do not let hate in your heart in this. Do not blame other innocents for the murder of innocents.

Though I am tempted, I will not wax political about this. Instead, I will just offer this: my thoughts and my prayers to the survivors and to those who lost someone dear. Nothing can replace what was taken and we can only mourn for and with you.

Because We Like to Feel Good about Ourselves

Very recently, North Carolina passed a law, House Bill 2 (or HB2 as it has come to be known everywhere). The link takes you to the PDF of the law, so that you can read it for yourself if you like.

What is HB2?

HB2 sets out a few little provisions about a few little things for North Carolina. Specifically it says that:

  • Single-sex multiple occupancy restrooms (men’s room, women’s room) must be used by those whose biological sex (on the birth certificate) matches the sign on the door.
  • It specifies the groups that cannot be discriminated against in North Carolina. It excludes sexual orientation as a protected class and specifies “biological sex” as a protected class.
  • Prevents individual cities, counties, etc from creating protections beyond what the state provides.
  • Prevents individual cities, etc, from determining their own minimum wage.
  • Prevents individual cities, etc, from requiring anything of contractors beyond what the state requires of them. This includes stricter regulations that a city may want to require because of, say, exposure to well-water.

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At Her Service

What would you do with a man whose only concern was serving you?

I and several other romance and erotica authors tackled that question in one form or another in a box set that was released for Valentine’s Day. It’s my first anthology to write for and I enjoyed it. I got to work with some amazing people and see just what goes into a project like this.

I pulled part of a review below for my story, Helen and the Man from Troi. It made me smile to see the review, so I wanted to share it. My story only gets a few mentions among the reviews, but most of those mentions are positive. I will certainly not turn my nose up at a 3 1/2 star review.

Helen and the man from Troi: [Adam] is a BDSM slave with both a master and a girlfriend. He has also recently completed manservant training. Helen loves her routines and order. She has also recently broken up with her boyfriend and seems to be grieving more than just the loss of the man. Helen’s roommate Olivia is more of a wild child and wants to help Helen open up a bit more and try new things. She hires [Adam] as a present, to serve Helen for a day. I was surprised how much I liked this one. I don’t tend to enjoy BDSM in general. But this story was more of about Helen learning to let go a bit and let someone take care of her. Unlike the rest of the stories Helen and [Adam] aren’t headed toward a long term HEA (at least not with each other), but it was nice to see just a simple story of give and take and caring for another person who needs a break from the norm. (3.5 star) — reviewer Ly G


Yes, You Do Have to Be Taught (secret: we all do)

An image is going viral right now of a young UK man stating that he does not need to be taught not to be a rapist.

It is true that he may not need his college to teach him that. Maybe he does understand what consent and active, enthusiastic consent is. Maybe he understands how to navigate and negotiate complex situations so that he ensures that any kind of sexual encounter he has with someone is consensual.

Here is the thing, though.

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Holle’s Thought for the Day

The only way anyone is less of a sub is if you’re a 6-inch from Subway. That is less of a sub than a foot-long.

Otherwise, you just have a preference for what you do and do not like – just like whatever Dominant or fellow submissive who is trying to bring you down because you don’t like their “kink.”

Doing Our Job

I’m tired of seeing this, but I feel that I have to say something about it. In part, I need to say something about it because I see a lot being said that is – rude to be honest.

I could start off with memes and I am going to. I’m going to use, however, the least offensive memes to introduce today’s topic.

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