Friday had a few head-desk moments for me.
You know those moments. You read, watch, or listen to something that makes you just want to hit your head on a desk because you cannot believe anyone would be so – well, so whatever sets you off.
It did help me to realize something important, though, in a way that I had not considered before. Because as it went on, I was thinking to myself – self, it would be great if I could contact this person’s D-type to let him/her know how – well. I would say that she was confused, but that does not cut it. We are talking about a level of miscommunication and stubborn refusal to receive information that is, quite frankly, disturbing to see in anyone. The moment that I thought it would be nice to speak to the D-type is when it hit me.
Whether submissive or slave, whether the relationship is 24/7, a few times a month, or just in the bedroom, the s-type of a Dynamic is a reflection of his or her Dominant. I was face to face with a situation where I did not have confidence that a D-type was giving proper guidance to an s-type. That really made that simple face of the D/s dynamic hit home.
A Dominant’s role is more than just to command and act upon a submissive. The Dominant is also a guide. The Dominant takes power to help the submissive. What He or She helps with could be something simple – to experience pleasure and release. It could be to grow, or to process something deep. A Dominant should encourage experiences and growth and all the things that submission can bring a person. It helps that person, but it also helps Him/Herself to experience and grow as well.
Part of all of that means making sure that the s-type of the relationship understands what words mean. To be a Dominant is not to merely act out a personality trait. It is a conscious choice. To be a submissive or a slave, or whatever you want to call yourself as an s-type is not acting out a personality trait. It is a conscious choice. Being a submissive and being a submissive person are not the same thing. However all s-types offer submission. All s-types submit. When they do this, they are submissive regardless of whether or not they are a submissive person.
Being a submissive person is a character trait. You can have it whether you are Dominant or submissive.
Being submissive is an action. It is a choice. To me, it is far more powerful than merely acting out your personality. You are not always conscious of acting out your personality. If someone is going to be submissive to me, I want her to be aware of the choice of her submission and the actions she takes. She can be a submissive person and aware of that choice. She could be any type of person and be aware of that choice. It is her awareness and acknowledgement of her choice that matters to me. It is her awareness of her Agency and how she gives me power to use it.
As Dominants, if we do not make sure that our submissives, slaves, pets, etc understand the basic terms and concepts of BDSM, then we show ourselves to be poor Dominants. The s-type is a reflection of the guidance, knowledge, and experience of his or her D-type. I see so many D-types who are caught up in creating the perfect image of Dominant. Why, then, would you make such a fool of yourself?