That Time of the Year

So it is that time of the year – the holidays. I have been rather busy, which is why the posting has been off and on. I am trying to keep new things coming, though. I have been studying BDSM and the lifestyle intently over the past several months, and I really enjoying sharing the things that I learn here.

Today, however, we are taking a small break in all of that.

I want to give first a belated Merry Christmas to all those who celebrate it. To those who don’t, I hope that you still accept the well wishes from me as I do.

I also want to offer an early Happy New Year. I will try to write tomorrow, if only briefly, but tomorrow is an important day, so no promises.

To the spammers – just stop. I moderate comments, so your spam comments will never be seen by anyone but me. All I do is click spam. I don’t click your links because I don’t care to. This site is not for spam. It is for exchanging information. It is where I come to share the things that I learn and expand on my philosophy. It is not for you to try to sell SEO services, internet gambling, or any of the other many things that end up getting clicked over to spam.

So if you are a spammer, save yourself time. If you are a legit reader, you are welcome.

I know no one likes to read spam.


Power in D/s

Who has power in a Dominance/submission relationship?

This is a discussion that I’ve been getting myself involved in a lot lately, and I’ve had a chance to really examine things I learned about this a long time ago. I think it is important to be able to state the reason for your beliefs beyond just “it is what I was taught.” If you cannot give reasoning beyond that, then you have knowledge, but no wisdom.

So here are my thoughts on this. Take it for what you will, but it does play an important part in my overall philosophy of BDSM.

So, in a Dominance and submission dynamic, Continue reading

Why Yes Under the Influence Is Not Yes

People discuss BDSM and alcohol or other drugs a lot. I am not against the safe consumption of alcohol. I have decided that when it comes to play, alcohol should stay out of the scene, especially in situations where it can impact your ability to judge the situation.

Obviously if you are in a 24/7 and you and your partner enjoy socially drinking, alcohol will be part of your dynamic. It does not have to be part of intense sessions or scenes, however. When it comes to BDSM and alcohol (or any drug where certain drugs may be legal for you) it is important to remember this:

Continue reading

Why Limits and Safety Matter to Me

In a forum I am on, someone posted up a very important reminder. While the idea of public displays – leading your submissive on a leash, public nudity, public humiliation, etc – can be a powerful fantasy, the reality can bring with it consequences. When these things are done in a place that is not open/welcoming to BDSM, this can lead to arrests. Arrests can lead to all sorts of problems in the future. When it comes to things like public nudity or public displays, this can include sex-offender registries. You may think to yourself “I don’t care about that.” You will if in the future you find yourself in a divorce with children an custody is in question. Or if you are moving into a new home, that you just paid a lot of money for, and your neighbors are picketing your house. Or you can’t get a job because where you work has or is within a certain distance of a day-care or school.

A submissive responded that s/he would happily to anything his/er D-type commanded, even if illegal, with the only provision being no harm to others. Continue reading

How to Make a First Impression

Because I am beginning my search for a submissive, I am on a few sites to help facilitate meeting people of the BDSM persuasion. Yes, they are dating sites of a sort.


I know that at least a few lifestylers hang out on the site. I’ve gotten to speak to one or two.

I have had enough “Be my mistress” and “Can I be your slave” introduction emails, however, to make me wonder at the veracity of that statement.

I don’t mean people who introduce themselves to me as “Hi, my name is ____. I’m into BDSM and a submissive/slave. I know that you are looking for a submissive, and I would like to get to know you so that perhaps we would consider each other for a dynamic.” or some other similarly reasonable message.

I mean, first message in the box: “Can I be your slave?” “Can I be your submissive?” “Can I be your puppy?”

I even had one ask if he could be my bitch. Continue reading